[It's... brutal. The entire memory is brutal, from Gandharva's feelings to that actual situation to that flashback within the memory--
Minato's breath hitches, eyes wide, and then the memory ends as suddenly as it began, his shoulders hunching slowly in grief for both the people in Gandharva's memory, and Gandharva himself.
... Slowly, he drags a breath in. (And naturally, he noted that difference in name, but that's not important right now to focus on.)]
[well, afterwards he only lost his mind, broke the rules of reality, and tried to destroy the city teo fought to protect, so. yes, he might've been a little hurt.]
Even if it was through my own doing?
[he despises sagara, but she wasn't wrong. it's as visnu told him once: what you gain and what you lose depends on the decisions you make. in his case, he made—more than one—critically bad decision.
(and, not for the first time, gandharva wonders if his friend foresaw all of this: that the happiness he promised gandharva would come crashing down, and all that his future held was despair.)]
[he can't empathize. of course he can't—he's a sura. compassion is practically a foreign concept among his kind. they understand it, but they will never fully grasp it. only the people you know matter. those who care for all die out soon enough, unable to survive in a kill-or-be-killed culture.
like his wife. like his daughter. like all those whom he loved.]
Are they really so important? I can't see how they could've brought you any happiness.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hey what the fuck
Minato's breath hitches, eyes wide, and then the memory ends as suddenly as it began, his shoulders hunching slowly in grief for both the people in Gandharva's memory, and Gandharva himself.
... Slowly, he drags a breath in. (And naturally, he noted that difference in name, but that's not important right now to focus on.)]
... Ruva-san...
you volunteered!!
Why are you still calling me that? You know that's not my name.
I WASN'T PREPARED
The name you've given me to use is Ruva-san. Until you tell me any other names to call you by, that's the name I'm going to use.
VOLUNTEERED
[for a sura, at least, seven years is nothing but an instant.]
Do as you like.
[he doesn't know why minato is still here, unless he missed certain parts of what sagara said—about the things he's done.]
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I'm... not going to condemn you, Gandharva-san.
There's a lot I don't know about your situation, and what happened, but... I think it's obvious that it really, really hurt you too.
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Even if it was through my own doing?
[he despises sagara, but she wasn't wrong. it's as visnu told him once: what you gain and what you lose depends on the decisions you make. in his case, he made—more than one—critically bad decision.
(and, not for the first time, gandharva wonders if his friend foresaw all of this: that the happiness he promised gandharva would come crashing down, and all that his future held was despair.)]
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... I don't know your life. I don't know... what happened, exactly, or what you've been through.
But I don't think anyone deserves to be hurt that way. That includes you.
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"i knew you were a nastika, i knew you had a daughter, and i suspected you had come to kill me... but none of that mattered for me."
what deja vu. somewhere, inside of him, he hates it.]
I suppose that's a sentiment mostly exclusive to humans. No wonder your kind dies so easily.
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[Minato of all people can't really deny that.]
But... I would take the risk before giving up those feelings, I think.
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like his wife. like his daughter. like all those whom he loved.]
Are they really so important? I can't see how they could've brought you any happiness.
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After all... for a long time there, he was closed off too.]
... Yes. They're really...that important.
[He closes his eyes for a moment, thinking, expression serious.]
I'd rather die and feel those things than live without getting to live...as fully as I want to.
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... Humans really are incomprehensible.
[but in the end, maybe that was why he couldn't avoid getting attached to one like teo.]
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But... that's what I think. And I can promise that that's what I'll always stand behind, too.
[For better or for worse, he'll always be this person. He wants Gandharva to know that.]
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he hates it.]
... Even if it brings pain to the people around you?
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[Softly:]
Because I can't change the person I am either.